Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
