Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Text me some of your sweat
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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