Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
