I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
