Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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