My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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