If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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