I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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