found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know her cup size but not her name....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
