so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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