So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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