I am puke
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
