The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
