And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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