I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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