Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
