are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
