what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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