So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
