yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
