why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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