my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
