He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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