In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
