I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
