we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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