Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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