im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
