He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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