for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
