I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
