they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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