i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
how does that bad decision feel?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
