Umm I'm too high to move.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
