i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
