I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
