now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
