How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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