The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
