she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
