I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
