this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
