wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
