you turned your livingroom into a bong?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
