some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
