Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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