My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
