@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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