Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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