Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
