Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
