he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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