R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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